


Protocreed: Delte may Cry

by Akil



Category: Assassin's Creed, DmC: Devil May Cry, Prototype (Video Games), inFAMOUS: Second Son
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Romantic Comedy, Bad Ideas, Bad Puns, Blood, Comedy, Cussing, Drugs, It will be gay af, Kinky Shit, M/M, Massive fluff, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character, Random Encounters, Roommates, Slice of Life, Sloppy Makeouts, mainly just teasing, who am I kidding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-11 10:56:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5624479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akil/pseuds/Akil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know. Throwing those four guys in one apartment may or may not be a good idea.<br/>They'll all be sassy af and try to kill each other on a daily basis.<br/>Oh who am I kidding, it will be fun.</p>
<p>Featuring OOC-ness, a mild warning for ridiculously cheesy fluff and probably some make-outs along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Who is responsible for this mess?

The third day in this apartment and it was already clear there was a storm coming, soon.  
Used dishes in the sink and on the kitchen counter, random pieces of clothing creating a trail through every room, magazines, pillows, empty wrappers scattered on tables - and in the middle a big pile of people, their limbs woven into another, sluggishly resting on the couch.   
Which was definitely too small for the amount of people trying to fit on it, but somehow they still managed. 

Reggie stood in the dim living-room, arms packed with two grocery bags - but every single hair on his body was reaching for the ceiling.

"I can't believe you all made a rat hole out of this place in JUST. TWO. DAYS."  
"It's not a rat hole, c'mon.."

That faintly sounded like the voice of his brother, coming from somewhere deep under that pile of limbs and heads.  
"Well it certainly looks like one. And geez, also the smell, good lord.."

"Whoops, sorry. My bad."  
That sounded like Dante, but he wasn't really sure of that either. There was snickering and also low cussing.   
With a deep sigh Reggie put down the bags and went to open the blinds and windows, effectively causing the pile of people/monsters/whatevers on the couch to groan and lament in perfect synchronization. Kids. All of you. Dirty kids, though.

"Okay, you all get up now and clean this mess or I'll throw you out of here faster than you can say 'But Reggie!', you got me?" How were they even able to sleep like this without falling off the couch? Reg poked some random limbs and snorted at the different voices hissing at him.  
"Up you go. Now. I got breakfast."

Slowly the heap of bio-mass began to untangle (a good amount of it apparently was made out of Alex' tendrils which also were responsible for holding the people-ball together) and occasionally people dropped from the couch in that process. More groaning and the sound of pushed bottles filled the room. Still two people on the couch.

"Alex, get off my brother."  
Silence.  
"Alex."  
Inaudible mumbling from somewhere under the sleepy virus.  
"Get up already!"  
"...no, it's warm."  
"You'll get a heating pad from me next Christmas, but please stop using Delsin as one now."

\--

"Is there any cereal?" Dante asked in the meantime, slowly digging through the groceries Reggie brought in.  
"Pffh, you and your cereal. Search for an aspirin, my head is exploding."  
"Are you kidding, you were a bartender and yet you can't stomach a few drinks?"  
"Well excuse me for being the only human in here, demon boy!"  
"I'm not a demon, you prick," Dante pouted and shoved Desmond over.  
"I'm not a prick, you jerk!" More shoving. 

\--

In the meantime Reggie pulled Delsin out from under the clamping virus, who winced tragically due to the loss of the precious source of warmth.   
"There you are. Now keep those guys over there from fighting each other while I try to make some food. You all didn't eat since that big pizza fest two days ago, did you."  
"..we were busy?"  
A long stare.   
Delsin started to grin widely.   
"..I don't even want to know. I really do not."

\--

Desmond gasped, caught in a headlock and flailing, the cursing started as soon as Reggie slammed the door to the kitchen shut.  
"Call me devil ONE. MORE. TIME. I swear, I'm gonna--" Dante yelped quietly as he felt some hands and arms slowly crawling around his torso from behind, then some warmth against his shoulder and a well-known nose brushing his cheek.   
"Come on, let him go." The voice was low and humming and gave him all the good chills. "Please, Dante."   
Oh no, stop breathing my name in such a maNNER--!  
Okay fine, FINE you win.

And Dante let go of Desmond, already sporting a hint of a blush across his cheeks and let out a last huff before falling weak in the gentle hug.  
Damn you, stupid conduit. Go away.  
No wait, stay. Just a bit longer.  
Mhmmm..

\--

"Stupid.. devil" But Desmond whispered so quietly, Dante by any chance couldn't have heard it - yet he brought some distance between them (you never know) and almost fell over a bunch of lazy tentacles still lying all over the floor.  
"Alex, get your nasty vines together already."  
"..shut up."  
A moment and some surprised shrieking later, the flailing assassin found himself again caught, this time in Alex' black wiggles. All his protesting got ignored as he got pulled closer to the virus-boy and ended up as a new heating pad. Not as effective as a smoke conduit, but it would do. Plus, his chin magically fitted perfectly in the other's neck, so who was he to disagree. Desmond's laments died out fast enough and turned into low grumbling, but in the end he also accepted his fate. 

\--

When Reggie opened the door again to call this kindergarten to breakfast, he just threw a look into the living-room turned into a cuddle-fest, sighed, and closed the door again. 

Oh whatever.   
I didn't sign up for this shit.


	2. Desmond has them ideas again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look who's having ideas.
> 
> \-- Chapters will be small and maybe they will continue the 'plot' (what plot, honestly) or not, I'm not sure about that haha, sue me --  
> { Also thank to the usual suspects for getting me inspired with stuff! :D }
> 
>  
> 
> \-------

"..and THEN you just flick your finger and that spring right here moves until it snaps in."  
Alex stared at the other man's arm, or more like, at the strange blade-construction attached to it which Desmond tried to explain to him over the kitchen table.  
Des looked so hyped and babbled a lot about this upgraded (but originally ancient) master piece of tech and Alex couldn't say if he was more fascinated about the blade itself or the sheer excitement from this remarkable person beaming at him.  
_Maybe both._

"Let me try it," the virus asked while Desmond stopped speaking for a moment (probably to breathe, since he obviously wasn't nearly finished with his essay), but suddenly the assassin looked scandalized and the additional information got choked down. "What, that a problem now?"  
"Of COURSE, it's a.. uh.. well actually I don't know why it's a no-go, since I don't really give a shit about all that mysterious cult crap my ancestors were so crazy about. I mean. I already told you a lot about it, but there's secrets and confidential information--"  
"You know I could just consume one of you guys and I would know everything in an instant."  
"Don't you dare, idiot!" Desmond snarled and for a few moments he seemed lost in thought.

"Aleeeex?" The tone was low and kind of demanding and made him squirm on the inside. _Oh no. Here comes the great ideas again._  
"..Desmoooond?"  
"I just had an idea."  
_Called it._  
"I hope it's better than the last one. There's still pancake batter sticking on the kitchen ceiling."  
That had been a lot of fun, though. Until they decided to happily throw flour at each other and Delsin came in to grab one of the pancakes they were supposed to make.  
One spark of this smoking dork and the explosion almost ruined the whole kitchen. _That's practical physics for you._

"No, it's really good one, listen up! What if, instead of consuming one of OUR guys, you consume a Templar? And this way get all their secrets for us! Their plans, their hideouts, their business partners!"  
Desmond grinned so wide and daring, Alex worried about his face splitting in half. _Uuuuhhhh.._  
"You want to use me as your /spy/?"  
"Well, not really but --yeah actually yes, I do."  
The assassin seemed so pleased with himself, he couldn't really say no to that face.  
_Never. Sigh._  
"Hmm, let me think about it. But if I /will/ work for you.." he grabbed Desmond's collar and gently pulled him closer for a quick peck on the lips, "..I'd better get a promotion from spy to 'personal bodyguard'."

Oh he never got tired of watching this stupid adorable face color up and he smirked satisfied. _There you are, rosy cheeks._  
"T-That's not even a pr.. omotion, you dork. You're kinda doing that already.." Desmond stammered and pushed Alex' face away with his palm.  
_Simply adorable._  
"Whatever, really. But I thought you were done with this whole assassin-stuff?"

The answer to this question came out as some inaudible murmur, in between somewhere the words 'can't quit a lifestyle' and 'not let them win'.  
_Oh still so determined to save humanity. Again and again._  
 _And no one will thank you. They never do._  
 _Bunch of losers we are, all of us._

 

"Hey punks, did someone cook anything yet?"  
Talking about losers, the biggest one of them just burst in, one ear-bud dangling from his mouth, the other one resting in his ear. You could hear some muffled chip-tune noises.  
"No, but I see you're already eating anyways."  
"It's headphones, not fancy noodles, old man. I guess you need to catch up with modern technology, grandpa."  
"I fucking know what headphones are, ass-clap!"  
_This kid, I swear. I'm gonna devour this jerk one day and no one can stop me!_  
 _..okay well, one person might._

"Alex, sit down. Del, make some pasta."  
"Hoaaah I didn't want to cook, I just wanted to eat!"  
"Stop being such a lazy shit and cook something or yourself ONCE!"

The conduit pouted and pretended to think about this option for a split of a second - and then pulled out his phone.  
"I'm gonna order pizza."  
"Again?! We had that two times this week already!"  
"Okay okay, jeez! Chinese then."  
"Who's gonna pay?"

Silence.

Of course Desmond would. He was the only one with a real job in here.  
Four (anti-)heroes, but nobody got cash for pizza.

  
_Just a bunch of losers, told you so._


	3. More intelligent ideas (aka kinky makeouts)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do I always end up at weird makeouts..  
> Warning: contains blood and some kinky shit involving.. tongues..

A bunch of seemingly unnatural syllables floated through the room, waited over three heads for a few seconds and then vanished into silence.  
Every once in a while Reggie threw a glance down to the carpet where his brother was laying on his stomach, head hanging heavily over a book that looked like stolen straight out of the Vatican's secret libraries. (Maybe this metaphor isn't even much exaggerated though.)

Delsin pointed with his index finger onto the page he was currently brooding over, a questioning expression on his face aimed at the person chilling lazily beside him.  
"What's this here?"  
Dante rolled over and took a look at the word. "Meaning or pronounciation?"  
"Well, both."  
"Downfall." The nephilim then mouthed it slowly; a weird, harsh sounding chain of letters spilled from his lips.  
Delsin ruffled his nose and tried to imitate it, ending in Dante holding back serious laughter. His attempt could have been rewarded with a comic sans'd _You tried_  star.

"Don't you laugh at me!" The conduit pouted and tried again with more determination, but Dante only broke down completely now.  
"..you ass, Infernal is fucking difficult. I wanna see you try learning Chinese!"  
"Delsin, you just told anyone here in a very mandatory way to start swallowing immediately."

".......bro."  
More cackling.  
Delsin pinched Dante in the side. "Well you know, I'm not /wrong/--"

"CAN YOU NOT." This was Reggie, glaring over the edge of his book, down at those two grown men on the ground with the thrilling humor of ten-year-olds.  
"Why are you even _learning_  Infernal? Isn't it enough you can call Angels and Demons with your video power? We don't need any more--"

"I'm NOT a demon." Dante getting pouty this time.  
"I didn't say demon."  
"But you wanted to."  
"ANYWAYS, I mean I'm glad you're starting to learn at least /something/, Delsin. But why this, seriously."  
Delsin's answer came hesitating: "..I wanted to say 'for science' but it's actually for safety."

  
The cop slowly put down the book he was reading and looked alarmed. _Concerned protective brother senses tingling._  
"Why for safety? Whose safety? Why is this a thing? Aren't you safe in here?"  
"Uhm, in case you FORGOT I live here with three other superhuman beings, how can I _not_  be not safe."  
"What--"

"Actually we're just searching for an appropriate safeword," Dante grinned and whined loudly as Delsin punched him in the shoulder for that remark.  
"It's protective spells!"  
"Same thing, hehe."  
"..fucking hell, Dante, keep your filthy mouth shut!"  
"..make me.."

 

"That's it, I'm leaving. I can't even read something in here in peace without stumbling over people making out _on the floor!_ "  
Reggie got up and packed his things, mumbling something inaudible on his way out, passing the yawning virus who just stepped out of his room and nearly in his way.  
Alex seemed confused by the things he understood, but decided to shrug it off.

"What's his deal?"  
"Obviously can't deal with us," Dante stated nonchalantly and waved Reggie goodbye who just huffed and made sure to close the door as loud as possible after him.  
"Ah. You two doing this satanic shit again, huh?"  
"It's not satanic, moron!"

"Be nice, ladies. And yes, we do, well at least I'm trying, but Infernal is hard as fuck and I feel like I'd need two more tongues to pronounce these words correctly."  
The infected grinned and opened his mouth slowly; two tendrils crawled out and started squirming longer and longer.  
"Chhoo mean liche chiss?"  
"Ewww Alex, _GROSS_!" Delsin yelped and laughed at the same time, fucking hilarious.

"Are you kissing Desmond with that mouth..?" Dante sounded a bit too interested and collected disgusted looks from Delsin.

_.......!_

Alex' grin spread over his whole face and he gently moved back towards his room.

Oh no, that look.  
"You're gonna friggin try that now, don't you."  
Dante snorted, Delsin snickered, and both waited with held breath.

 

Silence.  
More silence.  
Delsin bit his lower lip while Dante just.. grinned so hard it hurt the edges of his mouth.  
Nothing.

And then screaming.  
First surprise, paired with disgust, then panic and then pure anger.  
"YOU NASTY KINKY SHIT WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!"

Something broke and they laughed so hard outside they couldn't even hear Desmond getting creative with curses and insults, occasionally screeching and cut off sentences.  
Obviously they were having a lot of fun.

"You know what else is hot? Tongue piercings. Feels really funny while kissing," Dante began to chat casually, just like there wasn't a war going on next door.  
"I'm not gonna stab my fucking tongue for you, forget it."  
"Aww.. not even if you lose a bet? Or would you chicken out?" Dante grinned, knowing that it was rather easy to dare Delsin into something stupid and he enjoyed the judgmental squinting from a few inches beside him.  
C'mon, take the bait, Smokey.

 

\------------------

 

 

 _That's my winning face._  
"You gotta."

Delsin grimaced and rolled his head around in agony.  
"Oh come _ON_! That wasn't fair!"  
"It was fair like the lady from that weird musical."  
More eye-rolling and groaning. "That's not.. oh whatever. You know it won't even last very long. Amazing fast healing powers? Rings a bell? So what's the point."

Dante scooted closer, a small safety pin spinning between his fingers. "Well the point is that you lost and now you gotta stay true to your word."  
Grabbing Delsin by his stupid heroic pride was another thing to play an easy game with. Oh by now he definitely knew how to handle this dork.

"Sheesh, fine. Whatever, I won't be a chicken. If I'm gonna catch an infection it's your fault, tho." Lamenting, of course. And actually getting nervous, Dante could see the goosebumps forming on the conduit's skin.

"Don't worry, I'm gonna be gentle.." As gentle as one can be with a sharp needle coming for your tongue, heh. Dante unlocked the pin and grabbed the edge of this lovely shaped jaw to softly push it open.  
The hesitant tongue twitched nervously at the touch of fingers and a thumb, trying to get a hold of the slick and surprisingly agile piece of muscle.  
(Well, not really surprising after all, thinking about it, ahemhem)

Dante increased the pressure of his fingers digging into the tongue, nails clawing to hold it in place, with a hint of a smile as he heard a faint whine from the slightly terrified conduit.  
"So this is gonna hurt just a little bit. Probably."

Dante placed the needle under the tongue, pushing it upwards just a bit and glanced at Delsin's face; stressed and twitching in negative excitement. Pushing it a little more and he saw his brows furrowing, a muffled, painful noise leaving the throat.  
But also determination. Delsin stayed in place, no jerking back, quite the opposite. His eyes sparked this daring fire again and Dante grinned widely as he pushed the needle further, finally breaking through the flesh, feeling hot blood pouring out and over his hand, dragging the metal wire completely through and closing the clasp.

Dante finally let the tongue go and looked down on it, admiring his work.

_So beautiful._

Delsin moaned in pain, mouth open, a puddle of red pooling inside, climbing over teeth and lips to leave a bloody trail down the chin.

_Now now. Let's not waste this amazing opportunity._

A moment later Dante fell in, bathing his own tongue in the other's blood, tasting, feeling, playing with the new toy inside.  
Delsin groaned, driven by this awfully sweet pain and the rough lust breaking through with it. His fingers clawed into his partner to get him closer, deeper, pulling, grabbing. The kiss grew violent, metal rattling against teeth, pushing flesh and everywhere this overwhelming, sickening, _amazing_ taste of blood and desire.

The conduit yelped and wheezed as Dante's teeth got a hold of the pin and pulled harshly on it, causing the already healing wound to rip open again, devouring the spilling heat like a delirious vampire.

 

Drunk and high, they both gasped for air after a long and tormenting kiss, both faces smeared with blood and sweat.  
Delsin huffed, twisted his tongue around and spit the still closed safety pin out. _Crazy fast healing, told ya._  
"Fuck, man.. remind me to never bet with you ever again," he mumbled grumpily - but casually ruffled closer to Dante, who still endearingly licked his own lips.  
"Oh I bet you wanna bet with me again."  
"Pfff. Try me."  
"I just did. And you taste delicious."  
"...fuck you."

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have literally no idea what I'm doing. Plot, what a plot?  
> This is one big sitcom I'm making up as I go, and I'm sorry.
> 
> Thanks for the big inspiration to San, Doot and Steph - the Twitter RP guys who play the most hilarious characters ever.


End file.
